Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
