Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
