grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
