I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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