Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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