Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
