apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
