at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
