i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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