I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize