I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
