Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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