my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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