who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
