I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
