the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
