You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
