It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize