you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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