also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
