yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize