That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize