The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
