watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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