I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
