I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
