i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
