Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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