did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
