The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
