btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
