you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found puke in my bra..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
