you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
