dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bring money and cleavage
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
