OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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