we have officially lost it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
