They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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