I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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