I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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