Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
