That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
