I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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