Swine flu. Run for my life!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
