How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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