today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
