i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All the doctor said was why
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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