so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
