saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just googled if crying burns calories
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize