My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
