I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
