i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
