go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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