Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
