They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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