Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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