Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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