i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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