she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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