He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
