Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
honey bunches of taint.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
