I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
