and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
