Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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