I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
