There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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