He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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