wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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