Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
