ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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